Today, I was triggered…strongly….a reminder that I am a mere mortal needing bucket loads of my own compassion towards myself and others. Dealing with a situation that angered and annoyed me, my semi-retired, sharp tongued self rose to the occasion to vent, her words and tones barely restrained. This energy startled me as it had been sometime since I had felt the need to vent in this way. As I barely held myself back from the torrent of words that threatened to flood through and simmered down, holding myself in a safe space, I knew there was a deep healing that I was being invited to look at.
I realised that my trigger was revealing a part of myself that had been hidden, because she had tucked herself away, when she experienced an untruth that she had unconsciously taken on herself. That unless she gained external acknowledgement, she was of little importance. The trigger I experienced was threatening this external acknowledgement, revealing the untruth that my inner child had deeply and falsely believed. Unconscious, forgotten beliefs….of many, many, many, many years ago. The true self doesn’t forget though and insists we see the beauty of ourselves in our full truth.
It seemed an easier, practised response to get angry and annoyed than hold this tender inner child so sweetly, listening to the untruth that she had been unconsciously told and finally allow her to hear the real truth of her soul, over and over again, especially when situations challenged this truth otherwise. That every blade of grass matters, just because it exists. Not because of what it does. Not because of it’s use. Just because it exists. Just because it is here. Just like us…..we matter because we are here. Not because of what we do, who we serve, who likes us, who doesn’t like us, just plain and simply because we exist. A lesson, the universe keeps reminding me of…uprooting old beliefs…old seeds planted…that don’t serve me anymore. With her message delivered, anger dissipated instantly. She (anger) had needed to get my attention for I might well have ignored the other cues of dislodging this great untruth, in the distraction of life.
