I love going to the beach. I love the water. I love seeing the great expansiveness of mother ocean and I especially love sitting on the rocks by the beach. I was about to learn an interesting but necessary lesson on my “frequency” when I went to the beach this weekend. I have always loved going to City Beach. I find it to be quiet, serene (usually) but I am never quite sure of the waves there. They seem to be flat one moment, then rough and choppy very quickly. I am not a strong swimmer. Perhaps one day with more swimming and lessons that might change. However, I do like to feel the ground underneath me. As a result, I have never ventured very deep into the ocean. There is something about not being able to feel the ground beneath me that fills me with….I hate to acknowledge it…. fear.
About two weeks ago, when I was at the ocean, I got heavily dunked. I was by myself and I felt my intuition give me a silent, clear nudge to get out but I ignored it as the waves looked calm enough and I was having a great time. Almost within half a minute, a huge wave came on, caught me off balance, knocked me off my feet and literally somersaulted me in the water. It was not fun. Some people find getting tossed around in that manner fun but not me. Fun for me is looking at sunflowers and butterflies flying past me ever so gently whilst enjoying a slice of whole food, plant based chocolate cake. Note to myself. Listen to my intuition.
Then a couple of days later, I decided to take my daughter to the beach after school. I was in two minds to go to Cottesloe or to City Beach. I know the ocean is the same but at Cottesloe, everything is a bit calmer because of how everything is structurally, so that’s where I picked for us to be. Off we went and as I swam in the ocean there, I noticed how peaceful I felt. How calm everything was because I knew that I was safe. I was able to relax. Breathe a sigh of internal relief, a sigh that I didn’t even realise that I was holding. A place of ease. So natural. I didn’t have to pscyh myself up to facing my fears. I didn’t have to watch out for anything. I could just ….be…..and oh, the bliss of being in that space inside of myself.
Fastforward a couple of days later and I decided to go to City Beach. I saw the waves. They weren’t huge but they weren’t exactly calm. I desperately wanted a dip but something about the frequency and amplitude of the waves struck a chord of that old fear. The fear of being dumped. The fear of lack of safety. Yet, I forced myself to go in. “Of course I’ll enjoy the ocean” I said to myself reassuringly. “It’s just good old fear” and yet when I went in, as I saw the waves come up towards me (and they weren’t even huge), I felt a deep terror strike my heart. I stayed present to it and nothing happened. Absolutely nothing. I dived under each wave, felt the fear and kept diving under each wave….but…..I wasn’t enjoying myself. Facing my fear was all well and good but it brought me absolutely no joy. Sure, I had built up my muscle to face my fear but in truth… I started getting a little annoyed. Why do I have to constantly face fear after fear instead of just choosing what naturally brings me joy? I got out after ten minutes which is a record for me. I had had enough. This was a waste of my time and life. I hopped out onto the great big rocks overlooking mother ocean as she crashed merrily onto the rocks and had a mini teary cry. A cry of release and relief that I had yet again, decided not to choose a path of struggle and facing of fears like some kind of inner warrior but chosen a natural path of ease and joy.
Something had jolted from within me. Swimming in mother ocean, the same ocean at Cottesloe and at City Beach, had shown me the frequency of the ocean just had not matched my own inner frequency. Now I know that at different times of the day, I could have swum quite merrily in the calmer waters at City Beach too, but the point is, I realised, that my own inner frequency was to go slower, more rhythmically in a space of ease and joy. My inner frequency did not match the frequency of mother ocean when she was fast and more powerful. Hence I would be tossed around every time I tried to go up to her frequency. Her higher frequency was neither better or worse for her. It just was. For me though, I am beginning to realise, I have a frequency at which my entire being lights up. When I can relax, slow down enough to notice the details of everything around me, listen to the sounds of nature, even take in the scents around me, that is the frequency which is natural to me. I even have a frequency at which I like to massage lotions onto my skin. That is the frequency at which I light up the most and feel the most relaxed, grounded and centered. Every time I try to make myself go out of this frequency, I notice I feel rushed, stressed and out of balance with myself. The more I can align myself throughout the day to my own frequency, the more I light up from deep within, in all the beautiful places inside of me.
I share this because I think each one of us has our own frequency, that only we are aware of. It is the frequency that lights us up. I wonder what yours is? What is the frequency at which you light up the most, are the most grounded and feel the most at peace with yourself?